Letting Go of Adult Children

I’m working on letting go of my adult children. The tug to help them have the best future according to “controlling me” and what they have to work out themselves is so hard. I'm sure you know the tug I'm talking about. It's sad when you want to help your kids; they even ask for help, you give them the silver platter and they reject it. I've got to let go of both Jonathan (particularly) and Melody. HELP please. Thanks for your fervent prayers. I feel them. I feel that my family is healing.

Letting Go of You – A Work in Process
Jonathan,
I love you more than you will understand until you become a parent. I’m happy that you & Cheryl are choosing to be responsible in this area, but knowing how divine it is to be a Mimi I look forward to being Mimi to your precious children some day whether you choose to live close by, CO, or the moon. I will love you, Cheryl and your children, & of course already, the grand dog, Buddy. I’m so excited about your commitment to Cheryl as your future bride. Take care of her, respect her, love her always, and for heaven sake always talk to her. I know the secrets to successful relationships though for the past 10+ years I’ve not been able to practice them because either/or the tumor and all the awful depression/bipolar meds I was on that helped me exist, but not give a crap about anyone or anything particularly not myself. Whether you want to remain in the past in your relationship with your mother or you choose to accept the new me is your decision. Life is so much richer now, and for the first time I’m experiencing life to the fullest. I’ve gotten a second chance at life…thanks to God and His angels watching over me.

Though you, Jonathan, didn’t want to go to college…for at least one reason I’m glad I pushed you…to find the most wonderful partner for life that you could possibly fall in love with. She is beautiful on the inside and outside and has so much potential to become the person she was intended by God to become. You are a very lucky boy to have found her. Thanks to her and you for putting up with me and all of our crazy relatives through all this transition. “Who moved my cheese?” book also applies here. Many are afraid of change and due to inability to change, they starve to death because life wasn’t what they thought it should be. I almost lost my cheese, but thank God I was lead to change, whatever that took.

I’m so sorry to be so intense regarding your future career, continuing in school or not, summer job vs full time job……….(I used to be a career counselor so yeah I think I know it all.) However, I realize that IT’S YOUR DECISION ALONG WITH YOUR WIFE TO BE, NOT MINE. But when you ask for help expect to get more than you want. Take it as information and/or advice you choose to follow or not. Your choice. I now love you in a different way. It’s hard to let go of your favorite son child, though now is the time to do just that. Please be patient with me as this is very hard for me, but I’m getting better day by day. One of the healthiest things I ever decided was yesterday when I told you I couldn’t afford to go to Boston this summer, though I’d love to go some day. Just can’t do it all in one year. Also, I want to be around for the arrival of my next granddaughter.

Nothing with your sister has been according to Plan (though once again, not my plan, but God’s) I still totally accept Sasha, this innocent precious life into my heart. You and Cheryl sometimes also try to advise or tell me what to do regarding Melody/Camden, etc. Please also give your dad and me a free will to make choices we feel led to do to make this difficult situation better. I’m letting go of them as well. Doesn’t keep me from loving your sister….it’s my job as her mother to. It’s been the hardest life ever all we’ve been through with her…from her arrival at 33 months old, after being born as a result of a criminal abortion attempt by her birthmother (she now knows this and accepts it with more maturity than I ever expected), in the hospital in Bangkok the first year of her life without being touched…therefore obviously lack of frontal lobe development which is part of the reason for lack of reasoning, discrimination, etc, etc. At 8 or 9 years old after 3 hospitalizations at Egleston being told that your daughter has a terminal illness, Pulmonary Hemosidirosis (bleeding of the lungs), misdiagnosed twice as pneumonia. Being told that from this disease she would likely not live beyond 14 o 15 years of age. This kid is a miracle and for whatever reason is meant to be here and meant to be our daughter and hopefully someday you’ll accept her as your sister. She would accept you any day and she does love you in her own way. She is learning, growing into a really good mommy to Amelia. She hopes to finish the GAP program either before or a couple of months after Sasha is born. Meanwhile she is selling Avon and really doing a good job. She & Camden went to the job fair at the World Congress Center yesterday (don’t think you would have found what you want anyway J) and he found several career possibilities, probably being most interested in opportunities with MARTA in security. Once they get descent job(s) they will be on their own with Sasha. In the meantime they will live in the basement garage that your Dad eventually wants to be his man cave with a media center, pool table, air hockey (for me when allowed to visit his cave). Camden & David Stevens are going to work on the project, mostly while we are away on vacation.

I have lots of wonderful things going on for me. I absolutely LOVE my new office space. It’s really looking great. Thank Cheryl for her help last weekend getting some of the finishing touches done. It’s difficult & stressful moving into a new office or a new home. You don’t always know where you toothbrush is when you need it. And operating with only 3 computer stations for 5 to 6 people doesn’t work well. The 3 new computers arrived yesterday and will be installed today. So things should mostly be in order by the time we go on vacation…..YEAH!

I am loving the music program at church. I’m in the women’s chorus...somehow made it through those 3 services last Sunday. After Sunday morning’s service at 11 a.m. felt pulled to be in that choir. Went last night and was very welcomed, loved it, and plan to sing for the 11 a.m. service with their 50+ member choir. Your dad will finish up w/PPC…though I find it depressing…plan to participate in session meetings and be supportive, but not attend any more services there. It’s for my own best interest and need for spiritual feeding, not any more depression…thank you.

Melody was a star at the Teen MOPS program at the church and won a $50 gift card and other spa items last Wednesday. She is really coming out and being more friendly..not so much in her little shell anymore.

My Mom is enjoying VSP, 9:30 JOY Sunday school class and the 11 a.m. service. I pick her up every week.

It’s so good to be together as a family at church. This is only for you and Cheryl if and/or whenever, if ever you are interested. Jonathan, glad you get to play on the softball team. Your dad is still suffering in pain due to Sunday’s practice…bless his achy, breaky muscles…thanks to Ben Gay….NOT…that stuff is GAY and stinks. ; )

It’s after 7 a.m. and I’m going back to sleep for another nap before facing the day.

I love you both and am so excited about Amber’s wedding Saturday and next week’s vacation.